Today, while my third graders were taking a "practice" version of the standardized test that will decide their futures, I glanced up and saw where I want to spent the rest of my life. It was printed right there on the stack of maps hanging above the chalk board....Rand McNally's Simplified World.
Doesn't it sound peaceful and euphoric? I spent the next fifteen minutes imagining what life was like in Rand McNally's Simplified World. I bet for starters, there were no border wars or land disputes. Because everthing was spelled out right there in vivid primary colors. You really can't argue about the big solid black lines that emphasize the permanence of boundaries.
I don't think there will be standardized tests in the Rand McNally Simplified World, because the one thing I have learned about standardized tests is that there is nothing standard about them. There are so many exceptions and other issues...
There will be no complications in Rand McNally's Simplified World. I guess that would be pretty obvious, but think about all the things that complicate life and imagine them gone. Like illnesses. Demands on time. Conflicting soccer schedules. Not a problem in RMSW. All computer programs will be compatible with all computers, regardless of age and operating systems. All video games would likewise work in any system sitting around the house. There would be NO free agency in football, baseball or basketball, and Most Importantly, the American League would match their rules to the National League and get rid of those pretty boy DH's. Pitchers would be well rounded ball players once again. AND, there would be no BCS computers telling us who the number one team in College Football is. It would already be known, because the pollers would all agree. The point system for the Ryder cup team might also be a bit more understandable. Hmm, did you notice how the most complicated things in life revolve around war and sports. I'm starting to wonder if there are any men in RMSW.
There are some days that this would sound boring. But this week does not contain any of those days.
I'm going to pack. The place may not exist, but hey, at least I have a map...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
They should call it Job Security
If you read the article referenced above, you'll see it's a study by cardiologists. They were studying the effects of a low calorie diet on the heart and longevity. Not a temporary, weight loss low calorie diet, but a lifestyle of eating well balanced nutrient dense food, but less of it. Like 1400 to 2000 calories a day. The typical Westerner eats from 2000 to 3000 calories a day.
They found that the hearts of those who ate less were about fifteen years "younger" than the regular eaters. Hmm. Interesting, but that's not what got my attention.
After stating all the benefits of this lifestyle, they say it is NOT recommended for the general public. Instead, normal people should just moderately cut calories and exercise moderately. My cynical self says, Well of course the cardiologists don't want Americans being healthier longer. It seriously impacts their abilities to own and feed their Hummers.
But someone pointed out to me that perhaps they make the recommendation because they don't think Americans would do the healthier thing. It's not part of the American dream to want less. It's too hard.
Hogwash. This is America. We don't do ANYTHING moderately. I think the moderation would be harder. We are an all or nothing people. We don't moderately jog, we run marathons. We don't do anything small when we could do bigger and better.
Maybe the truth is, with low calorie eating, people would be hungry, and grouchy. Can you say immoderate Road Rage? And then, no one would have a calorie budget for McD's and other window foods, (food that passes through more than one window before consumption) so there would be millions of high school students unemployed and unable to purchase bling and baggie jeans and computer games. The entire economy could collapse, all because some cardiologist studied the heart.
Well, all this talk about food makes me hungry...
They found that the hearts of those who ate less were about fifteen years "younger" than the regular eaters. Hmm. Interesting, but that's not what got my attention.
After stating all the benefits of this lifestyle, they say it is NOT recommended for the general public. Instead, normal people should just moderately cut calories and exercise moderately. My cynical self says, Well of course the cardiologists don't want Americans being healthier longer. It seriously impacts their abilities to own and feed their Hummers.
But someone pointed out to me that perhaps they make the recommendation because they don't think Americans would do the healthier thing. It's not part of the American dream to want less. It's too hard.
Hogwash. This is America. We don't do ANYTHING moderately. I think the moderation would be harder. We are an all or nothing people. We don't moderately jog, we run marathons. We don't do anything small when we could do bigger and better.
Maybe the truth is, with low calorie eating, people would be hungry, and grouchy. Can you say immoderate Road Rage? And then, no one would have a calorie budget for McD's and other window foods, (food that passes through more than one window before consumption) so there would be millions of high school students unemployed and unable to purchase bling and baggie jeans and computer games. The entire economy could collapse, all because some cardiologist studied the heart.
Well, all this talk about food makes me hungry...
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
You know it's really bad when the only reason you log onto your very own blog is that you want to read the quote of the day. As if the eight that get emailed straight to me each day aren't enought. I am a quote junkie.
I started a word document a few years ago of assorted writing quotes, mostly fun and inspirationl. It's up to about fifty pages now. And I still open it up and read around. Since it's Saturday, thought I'd share a few of my favorites. Then I'm going for a nice six mile run, because it's just too pretty outside to sit in the cave all day.
I call my office a cave. It was my mother's bedroom when she was alive, but now it has my desk and file cabinets and her $3,000 adjustable bed (with massage unit) that seems to be unsellable. But it's a great place to stack things. The room is a cave because it's 16x16 with one (ONE!) window, the smallest allowed by the building code. CAVE!
I promised quotes:
"Every compulsion is put upon writers to become safe,
polite, obedient, and sterile."
--Sinclair Lewis
"Nothing gives an author so much pleasure as to find
his works respectfully quoted by other learned authors."
--Benjamin Franklin
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other
people.
-- Philip Guedalla
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-- Bob Hope
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
-- Barbara Tober
Nothing much happens in Jane Austen's books, and yet, when you come
to the bottom of the page, you eagerly turn it to learn what will
happen next. Nothing very much does and again you eagerly turn the
page. The novelist who has the power to achieve this has the most
precious gift a novelist can possess.
--W. Somerset Maugham
I'll post some more the next time I have nothing good of my own to say.
I started a word document a few years ago of assorted writing quotes, mostly fun and inspirationl. It's up to about fifty pages now. And I still open it up and read around. Since it's Saturday, thought I'd share a few of my favorites. Then I'm going for a nice six mile run, because it's just too pretty outside to sit in the cave all day.
I call my office a cave. It was my mother's bedroom when she was alive, but now it has my desk and file cabinets and her $3,000 adjustable bed (with massage unit) that seems to be unsellable. But it's a great place to stack things. The room is a cave because it's 16x16 with one (ONE!) window, the smallest allowed by the building code. CAVE!
I promised quotes:
"Every compulsion is put upon writers to become safe,
polite, obedient, and sterile."
--Sinclair Lewis
"Nothing gives an author so much pleasure as to find
his works respectfully quoted by other learned authors."
--Benjamin Franklin
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other
people.
-- Philip Guedalla
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-- Bob Hope
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
-- Barbara Tober
Nothing much happens in Jane Austen's books, and yet, when you come
to the bottom of the page, you eagerly turn it to learn what will
happen next. Nothing very much does and again you eagerly turn the
page. The novelist who has the power to achieve this has the most
precious gift a novelist can possess.
--W. Somerset Maugham
I'll post some more the next time I have nothing good of my own to say.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Maybe I should make it Monday and Wednesday.
Lesson learned. Sunday's aren't good nights to plan on blogging. If someone were paying me and it were a job, I suppose I could make it more of a priority. But it's the NFL playoffs. The final feast of football before the famine known as basketball and hockey season. And the Olympics. I am probably the only person in America who cannot stand to watch the Olympics on television. Now if I were to be given tickets, good seats, etc, I could be persuaded to watch in person. But I'm just not a spectator lately. It's like life is too short to watch everyone else have all the fun. I have things I want to do. And people to do them with.
But we're supposed to be spectators, aren't we? Isn't that why there is such a glut of fan paraphenalia out there? Even things we could do ourselves every day, like Nascar. I know, we can't drive 200 miles an hour in circles everyday, but we drive. We just don't get paid obscene amounts of money for people to live vicariously through me.
I would rather get my vicarious living for free. Checked out of the library. Or at Barnes and Noble. I'm just waiting for my Pride and Prejudice action figures. Mr. Darcy rides and swims.
But we're supposed to be spectators, aren't we? Isn't that why there is such a glut of fan paraphenalia out there? Even things we could do ourselves every day, like Nascar. I know, we can't drive 200 miles an hour in circles everyday, but we drive. We just don't get paid obscene amounts of money for people to live vicariously through me.
I would rather get my vicarious living for free. Checked out of the library. Or at Barnes and Noble. I'm just waiting for my Pride and Prejudice action figures. Mr. Darcy rides and swims.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Today my Spam name is Restful Waters...
No, I promise, this won't spur on another blog. I have my 4.8 blogs to keep up with. I don't write enough on the one's I have, don't need any more, thank you kindly. But I am experiencing a Restful Waters feeling of peace.
I've been rewriting a huge chunk of the WWII book and it's finally all coming together. There have been at least four different endings, with different combinations of marriage and children and it finally dawned on me. The story ended about thirty thousand words before I typed the words the end.
Can you say, Not Good?
Like figuring out how to start a book, I think figuring out the end of a book is just as hard. I guess for mysteries, it's not that hard, you solve the crime and book done. But for something like this, where I have the stories of the main characters mapped out for the next twenty years, it came as a shock to learn that the story I'm telling in this book ended oh, before the war.
So, with that in mind, I finally figured out the way to get all the main characters together for a great ending that didn't sound too phony or forced. It brings in all the skills of the characters that I have been cultivating and showing off all through the book. I guess I just wasn't paying attention to my own fiction.
I've been rewriting a huge chunk of the WWII book and it's finally all coming together. There have been at least four different endings, with different combinations of marriage and children and it finally dawned on me. The story ended about thirty thousand words before I typed the words the end.
Can you say, Not Good?
Like figuring out how to start a book, I think figuring out the end of a book is just as hard. I guess for mysteries, it's not that hard, you solve the crime and book done. But for something like this, where I have the stories of the main characters mapped out for the next twenty years, it came as a shock to learn that the story I'm telling in this book ended oh, before the war.
So, with that in mind, I finally figured out the way to get all the main characters together for a great ending that didn't sound too phony or forced. It brings in all the skills of the characters that I have been cultivating and showing off all through the book. I guess I just wasn't paying attention to my own fiction.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Yeah, I needed another blog like I needed a hole in my head...
Yep. I couldn't even keep my resolution to blog on Sunday's and Tuesday's but I found time to start another blog. Oh well. It's a place to store my funny spam stories. And put things out for one of my online groups. But if you want to look, feel free.
I have finally figured out all the things wrong with my World War II novel and am hard at work fixing them before my crit group meeting this week. I'm hoping that I can get my edits caught up to where they are in the story so I don't have to back track too much. But then again, it's like the book has changed so much since they started I have to give them all credit for keeping up as well as they have.
I have finally figured out all the things wrong with my World War II novel and am hard at work fixing them before my crit group meeting this week. I'm hoping that I can get my edits caught up to where they are in the story so I don't have to back track too much. But then again, it's like the book has changed so much since they started I have to give them all credit for keeping up as well as they have.
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