I know where I want to live....

Today, while my third graders were taking a "practice" version of the standardized test that will decide their futures, I glanced up and saw where I want to spent the rest of my life. It was printed right there on the stack of maps hanging above the chalk board....Rand McNally's Simplified World.

Doesn't it sound peaceful and euphoric? I spent the next fifteen minutes imagining what life was like in Rand McNally's Simplified World. I bet for starters, there were no border wars or land disputes. Because everthing was spelled out right there in vivid primary colors. You really can't argue about the big solid black lines that emphasize the permanence of boundaries.

I don't think there will be standardized tests in the Rand McNally Simplified World, because the one thing I have learned about standardized tests is that there is nothing standard about them. There are so many exceptions and other issues...

There will be no complications in Rand McNally's Simplified World. I guess that would be pretty obvious, but think about all the things that complicate life and imagine them gone. Like illnesses. Demands on time. Conflicting soccer schedules. Not a problem in RMSW. All computer programs will be compatible with all computers, regardless of age and operating systems. All video games would likewise work in any system sitting around the house. There would be NO free agency in football, baseball or basketball, and Most Importantly, the American League would match their rules to the National League and get rid of those pretty boy DH's. Pitchers would be well rounded ball players once again. AND, there would be no BCS computers telling us who the number one team in College Football is. It would already be known, because the pollers would all agree. The point system for the Ryder cup team might also be a bit more understandable. Hmm, did you notice how the most complicated things in life revolve around war and sports. I'm starting to wonder if there are any men in RMSW.

There are some days that this would sound boring. But this week does not contain any of those days.

I'm going to pack. The place may not exist, but hey, at least I have a map...