Things are not what they appear...

The email quote this morning was from W.S. Gilbert : Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream.

Which naturally made me think of the lyrics to a song, "Things are not what they appear", but I could not for the life of me remember what movie the durn song came from. Finally, at 5 pm, I can stand it no longer. Google reveals all:

Things Are Not What They Appear
Radcliff:
Your royal highnesses, lords and ladies of the court, and our distinguished guests from the forests of the new world.

Performers:
Things are not what they appear
As tonight will make quite clear
But what is real will be revealed
I can feel the moment's near
Things are never what they seem
That will be this evening's theme
A music sites for your delight
Perhaps a few to make you scream

Radcliff:
You will be surprised to see whose disguise
Is the cleverest one of the lot
After our show the whole world will know
Who's pretending to be what they're not
If a jester's grin or a dancer's spin
Should be pleasing, please say, yea




Yep, the ever popular, Pocahontas II. What a thing to remember.

And to connect a Disney direct to DVD animated movie to the venerable Gilbert and Sullivan. I am ashamed. But, as the wise one said, Skim milk does masquerade as cream.

Vote for your favorite first line...

I'm experimenting with a new project, so if you have a few minutes, tell me which first line makes you want to keep reading, or makes you want to put a gun in your mouth.


1. Sometimes, you wake up one morning and realize that your life is just a rough sketch and you really need to start taking the time to color it in.

2. We are such caricatures sometimes, having the shape of a real life, but not actually the life itself.

3. They said it would be just a research facility. But I know better. Research is a corporate euphenism for "We have no idea what the f*** we're doing."

On writing

I have an addiction to writing books. Actually, not the How to books, not the better dialogue in three easy steps, or Formatting your manuscript type books. I like the ones by real writers, one's I've heard of. Stephen King's On Writing, David Morrell's Lesson's from a Lifetime of Writing, and Terry Brook's Sometimes the Magic Works.Sure, there are some other one's out there, but if I like the authors' books, I tend to like the advice better. I also note a lack of women on my list. Hmmm.

But I did find an interesting quote from Erica Jong of all people. A war quote, in her book, Writing for My Life.

Young people feel immortal. That's why old people can send them to war.

Ten things I learned this week....

1. Running 13 miles when the temperature is in the mid to high nineties is stupid.

2. The fellow who cuts my hair has wonderful book and movie recommendations. His reading list alone is worth the price of a hair cut.

3. I can never predict what time the mail carrier will come to my street and I never will be able to guarantee the mail will be in the box in time.

4. Watching golf on tv is a great sleep aid. Unless Phil Mickelson is melting down.

5. If you can't really use the name Sara Pride for a character because it's someone's real name, then the name Arianna Hubris will do just fine.

6. There's a t-shirt I'm trying to find. It says, "If I only have one day to live, take me to a swim meet. They last forever." I really want that shirt.

7. A really great blog for Screwtape letter fans: Beezleblog This guy is good.

8. I've personalized my browser so much, it's going to be a step down to upgrade. But I'm a whole version number behind and some sites don't work as well. Time to suck it up.

9. I really don't like vampire books. From experience now.

10.Long walks are still the best way to plot a book.

Oh, and a quiz! It's Bonus Day at the Story Factory!

Which OS are You?

Which Nigerian spammer are You?

Tyranny of the Ordinary

I've been a bit busy doing some things for the local school district GT parent committee. Which brings back my own memories of life in "g/t" programs in middle school and the first year of high school. Once I moved to Texas, apparently, I didn't require special "services" anymore. I just went to classes with the next grade up.

I like tyranny of the ordinary, for a title. Read a book, "Smart Girls" a while back about mentoring gifted girls and it was remarkable how many gifted women lead absolutely ordinary lifes. Not for lack of choice, but because of an overwhelming amount of choices, they simply drift into whatever takes the least amount of conflict. Which reminds me of the little "sessions" they used to make us go to in ninth grade, in the couselors office. I can remember a few names, Sarah P., Maryann N., Barry E, Steven S, Shari, John, Craig? Elise was gone to Nigeria by then.

But the main thing was the repetition, we could be anything, do anything. Cream of the crop, etc. Yet now, thirty years later, I can't even google any of them. Are they doing anything, being anything? Could they be doing something significant and yet have absolutely no web presence? I know Maryann dropped out of high school her senior year to mary some sailor.

So now, I wonder what happened. And the only way to wonder is to write about it, naturally. So Tyranny of the Ordinary. Kind of a Now and Then kind of thing, except the preciptating event won't be a school reunion or a wedding/funeral. It'll be the purchase of land by a petrochemical company. Now off to work...

Been a bit busy...

Things have been a bit crazy with the end of school coming up next week. Feel free to drop by Crafty Peaches, Live in Concertif you can't live without reading my whining...

Aloha! The Quiz junky finds a new site!!

You're Hawaii!

When they first meet you, few people can tell whether you want to say
hello or goodbye. Either way, most of them will end up saying that you're their favorite
person to visit, if only they could afford the trip. But your soft and warm image is
belied by an explosive undercurrent in your personality than can leave you drenched with
tears or boiling with anger for days on end. You are rather fond of using plants as
clothing.


Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're the College of William and Mary!

There are people who are known for living in the past, but
you make them all seem like futurists. Heck, you even make the Amish seem
futuristic. While you're busy with the past in your mind, you're also
careful to save a little room for work and, even more recently, some time
for amusement parks. Though you seem to be quite a private person, you
actually like publicity. You weren't the first person in your family with
your name.


Take the University Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're an Owl!

Old and wise, you have a thirst for knowledge and a reputation for
making the right decision. This can be a lot of pressure sometimes, but you seem
so relaxed and unruffled that it never seems to show. You always keep your eyes
wide open and fixed on your next objective, or on the Harry Potter books, which
you love. The only question you ever ask is "Who?"


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Yep, and I really ought to be writing now...

Coming soon, the Lazy Days of Summer...

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to
find easier ways to do something.
-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough For Love

So I get up early in the morning not to make progress, but so I can justify going to bed early in the evenings and taking naps. The only progress I can say I've made is several really good ideas. Met with someone yesterday and played with the idea of doing a non-fiction project together. Based on Deuteronomy. Which if you say it fast sounds like it too could be a Russian novel. It's the book Jesus quoted more than any other, so there is definitely something there.

Maybe it's a form of spring fever. I'm not finishing the things I'm supposed to be finishing because it's not harvest time. It's planting time outside here in North America (I toss that in for my reader in New Zealand) and things are sprouting all around, so why not let the season dictate and let new ideas sprout up inside as well? I have all summer to bring other things to fruitition. But to let these little idea seedlings have enough mental soil to germinate, to show a little green above the surface. My son is studying some of this stuff in school this month and we have talks about it as we walk to school past the wild flowers and the grass leaving it's winter dormancy behind. We walk and talk, then sneeze, since we're both massively allergic to spring and its pollens.


But the ideas are resting, they are taking in the outside sources I'm feeding them and I have no idea what is going to come out of them,if anything. But there is definitely some good idea work going on. And there never has been a cure for spring fever.

Move over, Dr. Atkins.

Ideas for the next two projects are flying fast and furious. Here is one that is sure be included in the political satire. And did I mention that this is a hard time to be a political satirist, since real life is stealing all the good punchlines?



A friend of mine was told that he thinks so much, he probably burns calories and that's why he is so trim. As we talked about the ridiculousness of the comment, it occured to us, we could solve two of America's biggest challenges with one plan.

The thinking diet.

Fixing both obesity and stupidity. Multitasking, if you will, the American way. I can already see my diet guru, a tall skinny fellow with fluffy blond hair and a George Hamilton tan. Couple of face lifts. He creates an entire collection of DVD's with his thinking man's diet. Of course, he isn't really smart enough to think for himself, so he enlists the help of a local professor of anthropology. The prof gives the dvd's actual content, so as the dvd's fly off the shelves, the consumers are being instructed to actually use previously untapped mental abilities and apply them to current events. Which naturally leads to a revolt against the First Thinker/Decider.

pondering on...

It's not a good week to be brain dead...

Not that there is ever a good week to be brain dead. But some weeks are better than others. This is not one of them. Besides getting ready for a garage sale and all the fun associated with that, permits, ads, pricing and what not, I have a school presentation on Wednesday, dentist on Thursday, a book that needs to be set up for a printer, and the beginnings of a newsletter. I had one thing scheduled for Monday.

I'm 0-fer. Yep, one thing scheduled one thing missed. Because I have some great new characters in my pea brain and they're being awfully greedy with my time. This, while being good, is not really good, because I'm not sure what use these characters are yet. Time will tell. But they are demanding and this is not good. Because I have, you know, stuff.

Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if anyone will pay for my manuscripts at the garage sale...

Ouch...

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and
then says them about other people.
-- Peter McArthur


Of course, I'm not a satirist, nor do I play one on television. But if the offer came up, I wouldn't pass it up. Maybe I should call myself a sarcastist. Not a word, but others have made up words, so why not.

A televsion ad for some home improvement store said that if I buy their products, I wouldn't have to be a great gardener to have a great garden. Wouldn't that be cool if it worked for writing? You don't have to be a great writer to write a great book. Just sprinkle wordweed and plot feed on, and all those pesky adjectives and adverbs will shrivel up and die, while your plot grows strong and your characters robust. Although, I guess that robust characters would almost guarantee a strong plot, just by force of their personalities. That's the hope anyway. Then you add water, and poof. Don't need to be a great writer. Hmmm, sounds a bit formulaic... But wouldn't be great if you could get it at the Writers' Store with the rest of the things that are guaranteed to help you sell your next book.

Yeah, just ordered two boxes of wordweed&feed, along with a case of talent. UPS should deliver it next Tuesday, along with the cereal we're supposed to be sampling for a consumer survey...



When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it -
don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot
of folks.
-- Bob Dylan

Haven't had a good quiz in a while...

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You really can't make this stuff up...

But there's no law against using it to it's fullest advantage...

"I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."

Read all about it here: CNN

or if you prefer...Fox News where "deciding" isn't a headline...

Leadership from the Father Knows Best generation...trying to lead the Simpson generation, the irony itself is a hoot.

(furiously taking notes...)



And this morning, it was announced we were getting a new A New Explainer on the Horizon

Maybe we should put a camera in the van...

If I wasn't so completely adverse to reality shows (the unreal kind), I would call some big shot tv producer and tell him about the 5 Alabama drama queens. It would be fitting for Fox or the WB and think about those Southern ratings. But, then what would my book be about?

There are two kinds of reality tv. The Real kind, like football, baseball and other sports (golf is included, although that's another topic) and the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Real people doing real things, within a confined set of rules and/or behaviors.

Then there's the unreal kind. Like Survivor, Big Brother, and the newest, God or the Girl, about four seminarians studying for the priesthood. These are "real" people, chosen not for their talents but for their personalities and their amazing abilities to make poor decisions and not care. In fact, they celebrate bad choices as if there is some secret signing bonus for every one (Gee, the contract says I get an extra thousand if my bikini top should accidently fall off on camera). Maybe there is. It wouldn't surprise me. Athletes get bonuses for extraordinary play, why not reality show participants? If there is a union, I think they should bargain for that.

I don't ususally watch these kinds of things, but a lot of my favorite people do. I think I'm more fascinated with the why than the what. Is it the boldness, the act of being able to shed aside inibitions and get paid for it that is so attractive? The funny thing is, if there are such self centered people in our real lives, we go through extreme lengths to avoid them, yet there they are on tv for an hour a week and we're there watching. Does the act of being broadcast as a "shared experience" somehow validate the self centered? What on earth posesses people to want to put themselves out there like that, especially for the shows that have no real "reward" (ie, American Idol and Survivor have a tangible reward at the end of the show. Shalom in the Home is simply having your therapy session in the town square).

I guess the thing that really bothers me is that television and internet are starting to eerily resemble the world of Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. Not a good thing.

Summer Reading, coming soon.

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
-- Henry Ward Beecher


Half Price books had a special this week, if you buy thirty dollars worth of books, you get a nifty, huge, totebag in lovely spring colors like purple, green and bright light blue. Naturally, I found that the Easter Bunny really needed to do some shopping there and amazingly, mananged to spent thirty dollars.

Unfortunately, that translates to I have an even higher stack of "to be read" books. On top of the list, that is always growing. The one thing I am glad of is that swim team practice starts in earnest next week. I'm thinking that I'll have an hour and a half each day at the pool to catch up on the reading list. That seems to be a better use of time than trying to squeeze errands in, with traffic in that area at 6 pm being what it is. Nothing like reading at the pool.

Except reading on your very own nifty back patio.

The People on the Bus

You know the drill. Last chapters.


Trip Leaders I Have Known

"Just shut up and ride the bus!!" - Larry Guillioma, Band director and veteran trip leader

Trip leaders are a fascinating breed of folks known by their distinctive call:
GET ON THE BUS!! WE'RE LEAVING NOW AND WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU!!!

For fun, they look at maps and walk up and down bus aisles counting people. From a distance, the trip leader can be identified by his instinctive briefcase. First time trip leaders may simply carry a clipboard or a stack of papers, but after watching the paperwork blow out of the window at 85mph and paying the $200 littering fine, he will invest in a geek box.

Once upon a time, the trip leadwer was a real live himan being. He ate, slept, and used the restroom like any other Homo Sapien. But years of travel, millions of miles, gas stations, and Big Mac's have changed a respectible looking man into a dishelveled derelict with bus-hair and mis-matched shoes. Obviously, authority spoken here.

There are two basic types of trip leaders. We'll call them Roadtrip Ralph and Sergeant Sam.

Roadtrip Ralph is just a fun guy. His theory is that getting there is 3/4's of the fun, so let's make in a party. He allows three hour meal/shopping stops and encourages everyone to make the most of every opportunity, including stops at traffice signals. He orders the driver to stop at every museum and historical marker to expand the minds of his charges. And, of course, he's done his homework and can recite the history of every object passed. Although it may take two days to leave town, Ralph's trips are exciting and educational.

Sergeant Sam, however, believes that everyone should have been there yesterday. He is concerned with time and clocks and mileage, often timing a gas stop to the tenth of a tank. Call him efficient. And if Sam is on a trip where Ralph is the trip leader, call him a travel agent. Get Sam there by plane or he'll never survive the first rest stop.


People on the Bus

"The people on the bus go up and down
up and down
up and down
the people on the bus go up and down, all through the town" - Ancient bus rider chant and first grade sing along.

You climb onto the Highway Hilton, crawl over several thousand bodies, some twice, and finally spot the prize: an empty seat. But look! Someone else has depostited his/her paraphenalia on the adjoining seat. Who could it be? Let's look at the possibilities....

Jammin Jeremy: The music expert. Of course, you'll be sharing space with $500 worth of portable stereo equipment. You'll have to split the battery costs as well, after all, you're listening too.

Marvin, the Musical Mouth: He knows every word to every song ever written. He'll demonstrate his knowledge by singing every song at a volume competitive with the jam boxes.

Trying Tracy: Every 15 minutes, this peacemaker will scream "Will everyone PLEASE SHUT UP!"

Betty Braid: Entertains herself by creating new and bizarre hair styles for everyone on the bus. Now her best friend is...

Mary Makeover: To complete your facial furnishings.

Carla Carsic: Comes with Dramamine and her own supply of clear plastic bags.

Rachel Restroom: Makes the most of every opportunity.

Larry Laugh: Owner of the worst guffaw you've ever heard, he'll laugh for 28 hours straight.

Terrorist Ted: Wanted in 8 states for 123 counts of bear molesting. Liable to distrss any stuffed object.

Sleepy Steve: He will only wake up to remove the black jelly beans and other various and sundry things placed in his gaping drooling mouth.

Matt Map: Know 24 quicker ways to get there.

Screeching Sally: doesn't her name say it all??




2006 note:

First off, I realize that of course women can be trip leaders. They grow up to be soccer moms. But female trip leaders just aren't as funny, since herding cats requires more estrogen than testosterone.

This was before the days of Walkmen and IPods, of course. Now $500 worth of stereo equipment fits in your shirt pocket and everyone on the bus has one along with ear buds. Which is sad, really, because part of the shared experience was listening to the same insipid music the entire trip and then when you hear it in Walmart twenty years later, all the memories come rushing back like a wave a shoppers heading for the only open checkout stand. But I digress....

I really don't make this stuff up...who could?

Basic Bus Hair, part 5. You know the drill. Standard disclaimers, blah, blah, blah.

Terminal Layovers

"Don't get too comfortable. We'll only be here 15 minutes." - Seymour Houston at the beginning of a seven hour layover at the Houston Trailways Terminal

Sometimes, a long journey may begin in the faithful clubwagon, but along the way, it is exchange for the Hilton of the Highways, the charter bus. Not onely does this road resort hold forty people more comfortably than its primitive little cousin, but it has other advantages. For speed, greater variety of sleeping positions, and facilities for those with small bladders, Go Big Red, or fly.

These luxuries, however, do not come without sacrifice. In oder to board the mighty machine, one must go to the bus terminal and wait for the bus. They call it a terminal for a reason. The wait may be 5 minutes (possible, not probable), an hour (Are we having fun yet?) or ten hours (We're having BIG FUN now!)

The bus terminal doesn't have to be a terminal bore. It can be an enjoyable, entertaining, and yes, even educational place, if imaginative minds are planning the activities. Below are some suggestions for passing the time at the terminal. Expand on them, or try some of your own. JUST-
-BE CREATIVE
-BE DARING
-BE SURE TO BRING BAIL MONEY

To Avoid:

1. Some bus terminals have TV sets available. Try to avoid them. You can watch tv at home.
2. Don't even think of trying to read the "things you brought along." Save them for the bus.
3. Try not to spend all your time with teh people in your group. You'll see them later and there are a lot of people at the bus station you'll never see anywhere else.


Fun Activities:

1. Get a bus schedule and plan some alternative trips. Be srue to ask the clerk abotu ticket costs, departure times, etc. Ignore the printed schedule she gives you, it's probably wrong, but wave it around anyway. For extra fun, order tickets, pay for them, then change your mind and demand your money back. Get the trip leader involve. Repeat once per hour.

2. Drug Deal Bingo. Make a bingo card featuring the names of illegal substances. For every deal witnessed, mark the appopriate box. First person to fill the card wins. For extra fun, instead of marking the box, tape a sample of the substance. This may involve purchasing the products, but don't use your bail money!!

3. Take surveys. Use a clipboard. Be sincere. Ask intensely personal questions. Laugh later.

5. Buy food from the vending machines to sell later at a profit to AF sufferers. If you are afflicted, now's the time to hoard.


The Battle of the Box

"Turn that thing down!" - Jay Linn, after the 52nd reptitition of "The Fat Boys are
Back."

In this corner, weighing in at 10 pounds, the challenger, the Power Panasonic, featuring Prince and the Revolution. In the opposite corner, weighing 12 1/2 pounds, the current champion, the Gregarious GE featuring David Lee Roth.

Gentlemen (?) Start your jamming!

Congratulations. You have jsut become the referee of the battle of the box. Actually, it's an easy job. Since you can't stop the fight, all you must do is enforce the Rules of Fair Fighting.

The Rules of Fair Fighting:

1. Each boom box must have a self contained power supply. Plugging into the cigarette lighters or Bus PA system is automatic forfeiture.
2. No amplifiers of any kind.
3. No piggy backing more speakers.
4. Any music which causes the vehicle to move without the engine running is illiegal.
5. The winner will receive a set of headphone. The loser will supple Extra Strength Tylenol to all bus passengers.

Disciplinary action for rule offenders.

Any person guilty of stereo offenses will sit in the bus restroom for one hour while subjected to high volumes of Barry Manilow.



The James Taylor Syndrome.

"Play it again, Sam."

The James Taylor Syndrome is a mind crippling condition which tends to occur at hight altitudes and/or long trips. The cause of this condition is the repeated playing of a cassette tape. It is named for JT because his albums are quickly and powerfully addicting. The symptoms of JTS are visible soon after the 6th repetition of the tape.
1. Mental breakdown
2. Severe silliness
3. Music trivia becomes the only acceptable topic of conversation
4. Can repeat all lyrics of all songs on the tape. In listed order.
5. Chant's "Let's play it again" during any period of silence.

If any of these symptoms occur, administer large doses of K-Tel's Greatest Hits, followed by intrumental music. and see a musician as soon a possible.



Tomorrow, our last installment....The People on the Bus.

On the Road...part four

Standard Disclaimers still apply...don't try this at home kids!

Food for thought

"When do we eat?" - Bill Usry, 1986 Camper of the year.

One frightening and dangerous phinomena which occurs on long van journeys is a condition known to the medical community as Africaneese Foodstoposis (AF). Each year AF cripples thousands of young Americans both physically and psychologically.

The symptons may show up before the tirp even begins, as those suseptible begin to stockpile food, drinks and other edibles in their carry-on luggage. They then gather into clusters, comparing and discussing foodstuffs, storage methods, nutritional values and which of the four food groups are represented in their van (the grease group, the chocolate group, the sugar group and the straight additive/preservative group.)

Several hours into the trip, those inflicted begin to dive into their stores and gorge themselves. They dig in with both hands - a crazed look in their eyes. When all the edibles are gone, the begin to chant "When do we eat?" repeatedly until the vehicle stops. At this stop, they replenish supplies and the cycle continutes.

Apparently, the infliction causes severe hallucinations and delusions. Especially common it the delusion that one is a starving Ethiopean, trapped in a van which is traveling from on land of famine to another through a land of plenty without stopping. There is also an unrealistic fear of anorexia, where victims eat voraciously while screaming, "I AM NOT Anorexic."

AF does not appear to be fatal and seems to go into remission at the end of a trip.

Preventative measures include a well-stocked ice-chest and a public posting of meal stop times. It is highly contagious and anyone under thirty is susceptible, so when it appears, be prepared to stop. Or try traveling with senior citizens.


The McMENU

"Thank you and come again." - Kelly McDonally, Raton, New Mexico, McDonald's Employee of the year, 1985

This is the typical menu of a "leaved from the McDonald's parking lot at 9am and get to Colorado by dinner tomorrow" trip.

Breakfast
1 Egg McMuffin
large coke
french fries
2 donuts

One Hour after departure
brownies from home
chips
cold Mountain Dew

At Rest Stop
Snickers Bar
root beer
Charms' Blo-pop
bubble gum

Lunch
Big Mac
French Fries
Coke
Apple Pie
Hot fudge sundae, to take on the bus

On bus
smashed brownies
cookies form someone on the other bus
warm Mountain Dew

Rest Stop
Popcorn
ice cream
root beer
Skittles

Dinner
Salad Bar
Water (hey, we're counting calories)

Back on the Bus
3 Muskateers bar
hot Mountain Dew
Stale chips
Brownie crumbs
Cracker Jacks

Breakfast the next day
danish*
sausage*
coke
Pepto Bismol
*one bite of each

Lunch
14 slices of Pizza
coke.


(Tomorrow - the last day of our little series, Entertainment on the Bus)

Basic Bus Hair, part three

Standard disclaimers still apply...


The Caravan

"Follow Me." - Jesus Christ

In our continued efforts to be remade in the image of our Lord, we too have taken up the call, "Follow me." We shout it from the window as we depart from the parking lot of the McDonald's on Southwest Parkway and a train of 25 assorted vehicles bravely follow. Mothers yank their small childern from the streets; motorists turn to alternate routes. They know we are coming and they flee in fear.

Fear... It's in the eyes of on-coming traffic...it's in the hearts of those trying to pass...it's on the faces of the McDonald's employees as they watch 26 cars empty out...125 hungry people pouring into the dining room...125 people waving dollar bills and shouting "I'm McNext!!"

The secret to successul caravanning is simply ignorance. If someone besides the lead driver has any clue as to the destination, order control, indeed all is lost in the search for a shorter way, one dotted with Pizza Huts instead of McDonald's. By keeping everyone in total ignorance, one cannot help but follow the first vehicle or risk being lost forever in the vast Texas wastelands.

Remember our YL motto:
Ignorance is not only bliss - It's downright more efficient.



More on Caravans

"Fer shur, I'm driving!" - Vicki Haddad, narrowly avoiding a head-on collision while being reminded that she was the one behind the wheel.

The secret of safe caravan driving is to follow these simple rules of Safe Caravan Driving"

1. Follow the car ahead of you using the 3 second rule. Consult your driver's manual or the Shell Answer Man)

2. Trade tapes at rest stops, not at 75 m.p.h. on a two-lane highway.

3. Rule 2 also applies to passengers.

4. In the United States, the lane preferred by most drivers is the right hand lane. This preference is supported by the law. Since freedom of choice is somewhat restricted in this matter by the Constitution, wait until the next Constitional Congress to express your individualism.

5. Remember our YL mottoes:
a. Litter first
b. Safey bugs me

The secret of fun, exciting, risky caravanning is to ignore the above rules. Obviously, some conflicts will arise when some members of the caravan insist on safe caravanning while others opt for the more death-defying method. Ideally, the group will be unanimous, or the majority holds the car keys.


Tomorrow: Food for Thought.